To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven
A time to gain, a time to lose
I had
forgotten.
The cool
breeze. The crispy sound of leaves on the ground. The brilliant colors.
Fall.
An actual
Fall.
A season
behaving itself. Glorious nature.
The reason
I forgot is that where I live, this time of year isn’t so polite and poetic.
As an
annual tradition we southern Californians witness a wrestling match. It is not
a dramatic one and we all know the outcome. In fact, we are mostly annoyed by
it.
Instead of
graciously allowing Winter to come, Summer acts bratty. It doesn’t want to let
go of the heat, the sunshine, the long nights.
So it puts
a fight.
It was 93
degrees the other day in October.
Come on.
Just let it be. Give in already. You will get your shot again next year. You
always do. Don’t you remember?
If you keep
acting this way someone gets hurt.
Wait. Am I
talking about seasons or people?
As I
mentioned before I went for a walk today. It was a glorious Fall day. It is
what calendars are made for. I could almost smell pumpkin pie in the air.
And it got
me thinking about seasons.
Love is
seasonal.
You know
the phrase “people come into your life for a season, a reason or forever”?
Something like that anyway.
I don’t
like that phrase. It always made me sad.
I was never
good with the seasonal part.
A reason I
can be okay with, as long as I know the reason.
And who
doesn’t like forever?
But seasons…
Seasons are
messy. Transitions are hard.
Fall does
it so well.
Me? Not so
much.
I hang on
for dear life for far too long.
Or I let go
too quick, jump to the end, reeling as I go.
Fall is not
like that. It is magical and special and is more than fine with memories.
If I look
back on my life I can see many people that I have had the privilege of being
close to for a season. A week at camp. Four years of college. Co-workers.
Neighbors. Friends. More than friends. Not sure if they are more than friends.
People that
were very very dear to me. People that were necessary and important. God sent.
Special. Lovely people.
I put up a
fight more times than I would like to admit. I didn’t let anything be.
Or I
passive aggressively ignored it.
I guess I
knew what was coming and I didn’t want it to come.
Do you know
the feeling you have when you have to open that Pillsbury biscuit can and you
know the pop of the dough breaking out is coming and you are terrified but you
have to unravel that paper anyway?
That is how
I feel when I can sense things are changing with someone and I either don’t
want to face it or I don’t want to let them go. Even if it is for the best or
for something better.
I think it
happens a lot. Relationships change. Even our forever ones do.
Love is
seasonal.
We get
married. We get promoted. We have babies. We decide we don’t want to be friends
anymore. Lovers fall out of love. We empty our nest. We are so busy now.
There was a
fight. A misunderstanding.
Or just the
passage of time.
If you are
the one left behind you feel awful. You watch the other go. Sometimes fast.
Sometimes slow. You wonder if it is intentional or not. You wonder if you did
something wrong.
Or maybe it
is you.
And before
you know it you are wondering when the last time you saw so and so was and you
can’t remember.
Or the time
you realize, “We have to talk.”…
Or, if I
keep giving an excuse or stay silent, maybe they will just take the hint.
Relationships
of any kind are seasonal.
They
change.
If they are
like Fall, they can change beautifully.
People are
on the same page. Good things in life are happening.
You are
grateful for the time you had. You understand it will be hard but you focus on
the good. It was wonderful while it lasted.
Or you both
get busy and you take a step back. You are no longer in each other’s intimate
circles but certainly still care for each other. There is an understanding. No
hard feelings.
It is
mutual, lovely. It can sound like a Hallmark card or look like a Norman
Rockwell.
Here are
some of those paintings.
An old
saint dies that lived a good long life.
Co-workers
say they proper goodbyes.
A couple
both came to the conclusion that they aren’t a good long-term match and break
it off, wishing each other the best.
Friends
transition in life and although they only see each other once or twice a year,
they are able to pick up where they left off.
But a lot
of times Love isn’t like that.
Seasonal relationships aren’t a Rockwell, they are more like a Salvador
Dali.
Here are
some of those paintings.
A friend
says they will keep in touch when they move away and they do for a little while
but then they stop.
Someone is
taken too young.
A friend
you hang out with all the time gets a special someone or has a baby and now you
never see them.
The couple
who hangs on for the kids and when the kids are gone they have nothing to hang
on to.
One person
still loves and wants to stay
together and work things out and the other does not.
People hurt
each other.
Summer
overstays its welcome. It just can’t let go.
It’s afraid
of Fall because it knows what comes next.
Some things
must come to an end.
Winter.
In our Summer
all the time world where you must be happy and if you aren’t you can purchase
it, no one wants to face Winter.
Too sad.
Too barren. Too dark. Too quiet.
Shoot, if
bears can sleep through it why can’t I?
Because I
am not a bear. I am a person.
A person
who lost people they didn’t want to lose.
A person
who hurt people too.
And in
Winter, the quiet, cold season, there are no leaves to hide behind.
Winter is
lonely.
Why are we
so terrified of being lonely?
I think it
is because we have to face ourselves in our aloneness.
Turn inward. Sit in the quiet.
Face our losses and failures.
And they
have names.
Names that
break our hearts.
I don’t
want to be the endless Summer that overstays a welcome because I am afraid of
heartache or hurting someone.
I want to
let things be. Remember the good times. Honor the other person by treating them
with all the worth and respect I can give. Honor myself if I am being wronged. Allow Love to change.
Not be
afraid of the Fall.
To quote a
favorite movie line, loneliness is, “only a place to start.”
Fall bids
us to come walk where the path gets dark.
But we don't need to be afraid of the dark.
What we forget about so often in our avoidance of pain is that if we step into the dark we find treasures that can only be found in the dead of
Winter.
Forgiveness.
Worth. Love. Reverence.
Hope.
Healing.
The more we
resist it, the longer it takes. The more we force it, the less it works.
But it does
work.
Seasons
change.
Love asks
us to give up the fight.
Let it be.
Time to let
Fall win the match.
Allow the
leaves to turn beautiful shades of reds, yellows and golds.
I remember
this as I walk.
I want to
be okay with seasons.
I want to
practice Fall with people.
Enter into
Winter with grace.
And if I do
it enough times maybe I can start to shake the cobwebs off my memory.
Fling aside
my seasonal amnesia.
Remember
the greatest lesson Winter teaches us:
Spring is
around the corner.
“Remember the love, Measure in love, Seasons of love”
Another posting after my own heart
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